practice is a tool for checking in, not check out. it may feel like checking out when our focus begins to move in a singular direction, and our minds are no longer spinning out of control scratching at the past or reaching for security regarding our impossibly unknown future. the challenging aspects of practice, whatever they may be for each of us individually, are so simply because we aren't yet sharp enough to check in with ease. over time, with consistency and proper intention, checking in comes as a choice and is more readily available. the sense of "I" that persistently holds us hostage slips off for longer stretches of time, and instead of grasping outwardly to find satisfaction we merge into an integrated relationship (experiential wisdom) with what is. the further we've drifted from that state, the more effort it will take to return to it. the word "effort" isn't actually fitting here. the possibilities of residing in experiential wisdom are likely greater when unlearning and not doing become a part of our practice. striving is counterintuitive. effort suggests "I" am going somewhere, when in fact i'm not, or that "I" may lose something, when in fact i have nothing to lose aside from the concept of an individual self that i've spent so many years cultivating and defining.
each time i check IN i invite myself to snuggle up to the notion that the "I" i've fabricated is neither permanent nor without change, and that's quite a valuable six day a week lesson.